Author Archives: findingmyselfinhim

About findingmyselfinhim

I'm a single Christian bookworm learning daily how much I don't know about ...well, everything. Instead of trying to find myself out "there", I'm trying to find myself in Him.

Memoirs of a Mall Walker- Part 2

When your iTunes playlist seems to sync with your life… I arrive at the mall not long after sunrise. The mall has just opened. Lap 1: The mall is eerily empty. Much of my first lap around the mall is … Continue reading

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Memoirs of a Mall Walker- Part 1

I didn’t set out to become a mall walker. It was the furthest thing on my mind. I wanted to be outside. I wanted to see trees and sky as I walked, so initially I walked a golf course. In … Continue reading

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Choose Beauty

Months ago I caught my thumb. At first it looked like only a scratch diagonally across the nail; but then the scratch turned aqua-blue, and then a purplish-black spread out from it. For a few days it was excruciating as … Continue reading

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Be Kind

I was watching a documentary on the Sixties recently. One of the big slogans of that era was “Be Kind.” When I was in high school I was convinced I should have been born in that era. Friends thought that … Continue reading

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Suicide Awareness

September is suicide prevention awareness month. It’s not the easiest thing to be aware of…but we have to change that. We really do. I’ve known two people that have killed themselves. One was the 19 year old son of a … Continue reading

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Moving Forward

Today, I drove past the house where I grew up. I do that every now and then. Maybe I should stop. It always leaves me melancholy. The house has changed hands multiple times since my family left it; but here … Continue reading

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The Creative Ache in Grief

When I grieve, I shut down. Most of the time I won’t let myself cry in front of anyone else. I’m just trying to hold it together. I couldn’t speak to anyone without fear of crying. My creative spark shut … Continue reading

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On Grief…with Thanks

Grief leaves you with puffy red eyes that you cannot hide. Grief makes you hear and see things that aren’t there. Grief weighs you down like a lead-lined blanket. Grief makes you endlessly tired but unable to sleep. Grief takes … Continue reading

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Losing Kobe

It’s 4:30am as I sit here and write this. My head still hurts from crying all day yesterday, and much of last night. I knew this was coming. In some ways it helped, but only in some. I just didn’t … Continue reading

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Lucy Died Today

It wasn’t at all what I thought it would be like. I didn’t see it coming. I couldn’t tell it had happened, at least not right away. I was working when from the other room came a terrible cry. I … Continue reading

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