Who am I?

The blog. Every wannabe writer has one, don’t they? Well, maybe now they do…

I’m not typically a joiner. I’ve thought a time or two about blogging. After Julie & Julia came out (loved it!) I went online to start my own, and quickly became overwhelmed by the technology. I tried to mutter through it. Posted once or twice, and gave up.

So why start again now? Post-it notes.

The way my always-churning brain has up-til-now deciphered, organized, or vomited its thoughts out has been via the post-it note. I find them large enough to hold a thought, an idea, or a list…but not too big to feel wasteful when I give it a satisfying crunch when my to-do list is completed. Ideas for a trip, or a story, or a song that come to me while I’m lying in the dark of my room can be quickly jotted down, shoved into a drawer, and later categorized by pocketed binder for when I’m ready to sit down and write. To date, I have nearly a dozen such binders on my shelf, and another drawer full of post-its…I clearly need a new plan.

So the blog it is. So I’m here. Now what? I guess I explain a little of who I am and what I hope to write about.

I’m a never-married, nearly (cough) forty, nature-loving Christian woman who’s into art, music, books, and has a half-dozen crafty hobbies…and that’s just getting started, or is it?

A dear friend and I once met for tea/coffee at a bookstore and chatted away the hours. At one point we contemplated the existential everyman journey of “finding yourself”. She told me about her journal, where instead of feeling pressured to write and fill all the pages with profound thoughts, she decided to clip and snip what caught her eye in her favorite magazines and paste it to the pages. Some photos or quotes were placed to inspire her as she wrote, other pages were filled with clippings. Over time, she was excited to see a glimpse of herself reflected on those precious pages. Better than a mirror, they reflected back to her the things she found beautiful, thought-provoking, or breathtaking.

A time or two she’s pulled out her precious tome to share a treasure with me. She would lovingly turn the pages, and I would see her face illumined by the jewel she would soon offer. It was lovely, and inspiring. I want very much to have a book like this, and have bought several journals that call to me now and then, but the chaos that is my current life has not allowed me to sit, and snip, and paste, and ponder.

But I desperately want to find myself, my true self. Not the “Eat, Pray, Love” type of self who puts her own happiness above the pain of those she walks away from. I want to find myself in Christ. I know Him. I love Him. But I desperately want to see myself the way He sees me. I’ve lived so many years believing so many lies…losing myself in their tangled mess. I want to know who I am underneath. Who He meant for me to be.

So this blog will be about that search. Some days may be less-than-profound; but I hope that every now and then, I’ll look back and find a treasure. A moment where one more lie was removed from that tangled mess, and I am able to glimpse a little more of the me He wants me to be.